Eye Can't Believe This Stuff Happens to Me.

I have a nice little image for you to start you day with. Last week I developed an eye issue. My eyes were more swollen and baggy than my usual "Sicilian curse" look. Initially, Deb thought the swelling could be alleviated by the fashion/home remedy of putting sliced cucumbers on my eye lids. I no sooner laid down with the cukes on my eyes, when one of our dogs came over, sniffed me and ate one of them off of my face.




Eventually, I had to go to the ophthamologist who prescribed two separate eye drops. One was thin and clear, but the other was a cloudy white thick goop. The next day I had to fly to NYC on business. I was running late all morning and barely got to the gate before my flight. I thought it important to put the drops in before I got on the plance. I grabbed a seat in the open and crowded terminal, leaned my head back and put it in the clear drops with no issue, but the thick white crap wouldn't go in. I either kept missing or it would get caught up on my eye lashes. As a hundred or so people were lined up to board the flight I was sitting in front of them with this white syrup running down my face and not a napkin in sight.



Can't wait to read the comments on this one. By the way, my eye is better. Thansk so much for your concern.

Don't Stare Into the Sun

Okay, I only have a few minutes to write this, but it's still making me chuckle.


There's this guy I see at the gym all of the time. Actually, it's probably more accurate to say that I see him there the occassional times I go to the gym, but that's beside the point.

He's a pretty big guy, and he's pretty cool, friendly and funny. The other day I turned into the Men's locker room to see him standing there "buck naked" and a good forty pounds lighter than the last time I saw him. Being the nice guy I am, I instinctively almost blurted out to this unclothed, full frontal dude, "Wow! You look amazing!" It was right there on the tip of my tongue, but thank God I caught myself.

Look, there's nothing wrong in one guy complimenting another guy, but when it comes to the locker room, whether someone is improving, has something in their teeth or they inadverntenly leave their zipper down, they're on their own. You didn't see nothin...

A Different Kind of Night

We have always welcomed people over

but this was a different kind of night

We sat around the large square table

and passed crisp greens and freshly made pasta

The smell of slow cooked garlic steeped in oil wafed throughout the warm house

Much like it has many times before

but this was a different kind of night

Dinner ended and the empty plates remained but the warm red wine continued to flow

as did the words of the poets who had brought us together

We shared the words of newly discovered friends

And read aloud Bukowski, Collins, Oliver and Kooser

but not before we "Howled" with Allen

We each took a page and read with our own little spin

No one being perfect with a slight stumble, stammer and mistep

but it was honest and we all rode together

transcended through each verse, line and stansa

It was a different kind of night

And Deb asked what it meant

And Claude said that it didn't matter

And it didn't.

Rush Hour

I took a drive yesterday, and as I usually do I flipped through the different radio channels in search of new sonic adventures. I’m a button pusher by nature so I quickly drifted past the top 40 stations and made my way through the lower number and left side of the dial where a lot of the independents, college stations and talk radio reside. I landed on a station that was broadcasting Rush Limbaugh. My father in law is a big fan so I figured I’d give a quick listen in the hopes of understanding their perspective.


I only listened for a few minutes, but those minutes were filled with Rush’s theory that all people who subscribe to and purchase organic food are liberals. This didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, but I continued to listen as he politicized organic heads of lettuce and free range chickens. He went on to say that Adolph Hitler was a vegetarian which gave me an immediate vision of Old Adolph meticulously arranging his asparagus spears in the shape of a Swastika.

Overall, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I know there are a lot of people who dislike Rush’s politics, but I found him inspiring. I took that inspiration and got an organic salad.