Anybody Got a Filter I Can Borrow?

A Friend of a friend told me about a friend who's friend was looking through his father's iPad. There, he discovered that dear old dad was visiting web sites that were more than a bit shocking.

Knowing this prim and proper gentleman, I was amused by the story and shared it with Deb who responded with a gasp of disbelief, shocked at such a scandalous discovery. She was especially disturbed because the gentleman in question was a very clean cut upstanding citizen and just an all around nice guy.

Later that evening I was reading in bed and I gazed at my always beautiful but always practical better half. I looked her over and noted her favorite fuzzy and well worn slippers. Calling them fuzzy is somewhat inaccurate because the fuzz had been matted down and worn away. She was also wearing a pair of pajamas that I had purchased for her about a decade ago. They were tattered and torn with rips in the knees. Also, due to hundreds of washes they were a few inches too short in the legs displaying her mismatched socks. To keep herself warm, she was wearing my old fleece jacket that I wear around the house and to do yard work. It's about 10 sizes too big for Deb so the sleeves went well past her hands. The jacket had multiple burn holes from cigar ashes and camp fires.

As she stood there, she let out a sigh and said, "I can't believe that Steve was looking at that web site. He's so nice, I'm just shocked!"

To which I replied, "Well, some guys just have their little fetishes."

Deb barked back, "Oh yeah, what's yours?"

"Apparently, homeless women."

...sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut.

There Goes The Neighborhood

So picture this:

My brother Jimmy and I went to Florida, but before we hit the airport we stopped at Santarpio's for a little dinner since the airlines don't serve their sh*tty food anymore.

We were there with Jimmy's wife and his two boys, and we all squeezed into a booth with Jimmy's wife and two boys sitting across from us.

After a little food and a few beers we sat and talked in the crowded restaurant, when nature called on Jimmy's kids.

His wife Patty grabbed the two kids and brought them to the rest room. While Jimmy and I were sitting there, I noticed the last lonely slice that was sitting there in the traces of oil and corn meal.

I started kidding around trying to get Jimmy to eat the last slice and started to hold it near his face saying, "C'mon...you know you want it."

Just then two older Eastie vets walked by on their way out and looked at us with disgust.

That's when I realized that we were sitting on the same side of an otherwise empty booth.